Monday, August 24, 2009

The Final Destination

The Final Destination is a movie about some guy who has premonitions about horrible disasters. He is able to warn people and save them from death itself! I can only imagine what happens next is that this person travels the world saving people from catastrophes. I couldn't sit there and watch the rest of the movie while potential disasters were about to happen everywhere. I had to do something to stop them!

I ran into the lobby of the theatre, and I concentrated really hard until I started having some premonitions of my own. I could see the people in this very lobby, screaming. They were scalded... by hot butter. It was horrible. Suddenly I knew. It was the popcorn machine - it was going to explode, and the butter was going to burn them real bad!

"Everyone needs to leave!" I shouted. "The popcorn machine, she's going to blow!" I threw myself on the ground, and covered my face with my hands to protect myself from the imminent disaster.

Everyone was talking at once, it seemed, as they all presumably scurried to safety, or protected their faces like me (I couldn't see because I was protecting my own face). "It's okay everyone," said a concession stand worker a short while later. "The popcorn machine is fine."

Thank God, I thought.

Thanks to my premonition, this noble concession stand worker was able to stop the popcorn machine from exploding in the nick of time. I knew then that I must use my gift to save as many people as I could.

On the escalator, I premonitioned that the lady in front of me was going to get her heel stuck, and she, unable to detach from her shoe, would be dragged under the escalator, and then back up to the top of the escalator. This would continue to happen, over and over.

I shoved her as hard as I could, and she fell forward off the escalator, onto the safe, firm movie theatre carpet. "I just saved your life," I whispered as I hopped over her.

Once outside in the parking lot, I envisioned a herd of elephants trampling the cars, and then trampling the people, and finally the movie theatre itself. Nothing was safe from their stomp-happy feet and their deadly stab-wanting tusks.

So lost was I in my terrible, elephantine premonition that I didn't see the car until after it had struck me. Physically I had suffered minimal damage - a few scrapes and bruises. But the premonitions have stopped.

My only regret is that I did not capitalize on my ability while it lasted.

4 out of 5 stars.


Sean Catlett said...

all that stirring inside their bellies won't cure their want for stabbings

i shure luv killin you prawns

Annie said...

Oh man! Fantastic, you did some good deeds there. Rock On.