Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Shining

A talking finger, whose hobbies include being attached to a young boy, and seeing into the future, stops Jack Nicholson from killing the boy it's attached to, and his mom.

If you like talking fingers, hotels, and sexy ghosts who turn out to be really disgusting when you start making out with them, then chances are you will love The Shining.

The Shining has all of these things and more. Yes, that's right, I said more. There's also a hedge maze, a pantry full of goods, and a snow plow.

4 out of 5 stars.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Conjuring

I grew up in a real-life haunted house, so The Conjuring was of particular interest to me.

One day, my Mom was taking me along to go grocery shopping. "Tommy," she said,
"Don't be scared, but there's a ghost living in our house. I know there's a ghost here, because it keeps moving the car keys off the hook and leaving them in strange places."

"Did you hear that?" she said to my father. "I said there's a ghost that keeps moving the car keys off the hook, where we both agreed we would always leave them."

"Mmm... Sounds like a ghost, alright. Did you check the kitchen table?"

"I found them already."

"Then what are you complaining about?"

"I shouldn't have to look for them! They should just be on the hook!"

The ghost was causing my parents to argue. And it really seemed to like playing with the car keys for some reason.

I got an idea. That night I took the car keys and flushed them down the toilet. "Follow the keys, ghost!" I yelled. "Follow them and don't come back!"

The next day, I told my parents what I had done. "Now the ghost won't have anything to play with, so maybe he'll go away." They just stared at me, and said nothing. Probably they were wondering why they hadn't thought of it themselves!

Sure enough, the ghost must have disappeared, because my parents never mentioned it again.