Tuesday, January 13, 2009



Dir: Oliver Stone

Starring: various Animals, You

Runtime: 2 hrs 11 mins

From the moment you sit down in the theatre to watch Zoolorgy, you are molested by a glorious orgy of colors and sounds. Zoolorgy is a veritable gangbang of your senses.

It’s impossible to describe Zoolorgy without losing it. The best I can do is recreate for you what the experience of Zoolorgy is like.

Watching Zoolorgy is like being a bright-eyed child of five again. Your parents take you to the zoo for the very first time. But when you arrive, the bars and cages have vanished. The animals are roaming free; the lions and the tigers, the hippopotamuses and the egrets; they are all free. And they are having an enormous inter-species orgy right before your eyes. All the animals going at it, as if they had no cares in the world.

Perhaps that was poor example, allow me to try again:

Imagine you are on a desert island, with nothing but a coconut tree, sand, and a couple of shells. If you’re a dude, you’ve got this really hairy beard. Your throat is parched; you haven't had fresh water for days. The sun is beating down on you like a drunken father.

Suddenly, you see a boat on the horizon, coming to rescue you. But as it draws closer, you realize there are no humans on this boat. It’s a boat full of animals. And they're all having sex with one another. There are monkeys, and there are chickadees, and snakes, and rhinoceroses, and gibbons, and rats, and lemurs. All of them going in and out of one another with an almost reckless abandon.

Zoolorgy, at it's heart, is a celebration of life.

4 out of 5 stars.


Sean Catlett said...

I never got around to seeing this one. It sounded too derivative of his earlier film, "Animals Fucking." And after your description, I know the sad truth: Stone has lost his edge.

Tom Thayer said...

I respectfully disagree, Mr Catlett. Stone was like a young boy lost in the wilderness when he made "Animals Fucking." Ebert called the film "Totally gross... a movie worthy of it's name."

"Animals Fucking" is the precursor to "Zoolorgy" in the same way that monkeys are precursors to humans. The human form is the perfected version. A form made in God's likeness. Sure, monkeys are great, and we'd sleep with them if there were no other options. But why sleep with a monkey when you can sleep with a human instead? I suppose it really gets down to what she looks like and what the monkey looks like. And after a certain amount of drinks, the line between human and monkey doesn't seem nearly as important as it did in the beginning.

I forget where this analogy was going...

Sean Catlett said...

You're saying you would choose Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes over Estella Warren in Planet of the Apes. I honestly don't blame you.