I had a really fun time seeing Green Lantern with you, kiddo.
Son, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just say it. Your dad's a superhero, like from the movie.
I bet you're pretty surprised right now. I bet you have a whole lot of questions, like where's your costume? Are Mommy and Daddy still getting a divorce? What are your superpowers?
Well, I'm wearing my costume. Yes, we're still getting divorced. And my superpower is... it's not important right now what it is. The important part is that you believe Daddy. You do believe me, right?
I have something else I need to tell you. It's about Mommy. Mommy isn't who she pretends to be.
Well, yes, she is your mom. That part is true. I suppose.
Alright, I didn't want to tell you this on your birthday, but Mommy is a supervillain.
Wait, no, stop crying. I'm... that was a test. And you passed! Mommy's not a supervillain. She's just a person.
But I really am a superhero. That's the important thing you should take away from this.
Well, because tomorrow the old Elmer Fudd man is going to decide whether you should live with your boring, old, normal Mommy or with your superhero Dad, and it's important that you tell him who you'd rather live with, and why. I just want you to make a well-informed decision. That's why I'm telling you now.
It's also very important that when he asks you why, you don't say that it's because Daddy told you he's a superhero. Daddy needs to keep his identity secret, especially from the Elmer Fudd man. Don't tell anyone, but I suspect he's a supervillain.
I'm sorry. Please don't cry. It's okay. He's not a supervillain either. He's just a judge. He and Mommy like to judge Daddy. They think that Daddy's a pathological liar.
What's a pathological liar? Well, I guess it's kind of like a superpower.
Anyway. Tomorrow's the big day, kiddo.
What's that? You said you want to live with Mommy? She said she's going to buy you a puppy?
What? No, no. Daddy's fine. There was an evil bug on the wall that needed to be punched.